Some moments I stored away recently:

Someone listed a few good adjectives and told me that's his description of me and I usually deny anything kind said about me. Not so much from humility than massive lack of self-confidence but he listed "empathetic" amongst other kind words and I picked that to keep. I like that someone thinks I have the capability to think and share the feelings of another. I like that very much.

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I remember coming out the salon and feeling so immensely naked. The first time I properly looked at my reflection I had to gasp because I couldn't recognise myself. I knew hair was nothing. It was nothing to me (maybe in hindsight that's not the entire truth) but at that moment I wanted to have everything right back and pretend I didn't just shed almost the whole head of hair away. I knew I was a stranger to everyone but it felt like they were staring, burning holes in me with their eyes and I hadn't bravery for that just yet. He sat with me for almost an hour, told me I look great over and over and over again. Gradually everyone I knew who saw me echoed. I've gotten both stares that lingered too long and compliments from strangers but it was me who had to eventually gave myself that validation. In the mornings, my hair stands straight up like a romaine lettuce so a new routine birthed: Wet it and blow it dry so it'll lay tamely. To avoid it looking like a lifeless mop, wax it to give it texture and trim it almost once every 1.5 months because wow my hair grows out fast who knew there is so much more to do but I love that I can feel the breeze on the back of my neck, how my hair dries almost instantly and how none of it ever comes into contact with my face.

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Not much context for this but take it as it is.

I knew she sensed my uncertainty the moment I told her and she gave me that raised-eye-brow knowing look, almost as if she knows me better than I know myself and maybe she does! I'm a pretty open book but I hate that she thinks that. I hate that she doubts where I'm heading when things seem to be looking up and I hate that she could be right.

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Too good to be true. Why is it when good things happen I wonder what it is I've done that accredited me kind things. It's hardly ever the self pat on my own back saying, "Yes you're worth it". Was it because of all the times prior when I had a taste of 'good' in my hands only to watch it slipped away. And the other time when the same thing happened. And the other time when the same thing happened. Again. Again. Again. Now I've this warm fluffy bird in my palms and I'm staring at it in awe, wondering how long warmth lingers the second something's gone.