Last day of being in my 20s and feeling this nostalgic urge to come back on here to vomit thoughts, as I have for the whole of my 20s.
Here I am again.
Typing out my thoughts feel foreign now. I haven't done this in a while. Hello the end of 20s. I know it's technically no big deal and when the clock strikes midnight, I'll be me as I am me right now. But for months leading up to this day I've been extra introspective. This turning of a fresh decade has made me very reflective on the past 10 years.
They say 20s are trying times and boy weren't they kidding. Trying in so many ways. Trying as in struggling through many different problems: the loss of friends, of dreams, of my rose-tinted glasses, the constant discovery of my own boundaries in a fluid world, of finding what kind of love sits best with me, the unpacking of childhood trauma, the constant rerouting of how I envision life panning out, the pandemic. Trying as in the act of me exploring so many things over the years. The time as a wedding photographer, as a fashion photographer, as a graphic designer, as a photo assistant, as a prop stylist, as a multi-media content producer, as an art director, as an artist, in more than 5 different industries. Trying as in the act of me attempting to be better, be better, be better, year on year. Trying as a constant state, a constant act, almost an assumed state of mind. The trying times have led me somewhere...
And here I am now.
I am so thankful. I am so contented. There have been many lessons learned. Some so much harder than others. Yun Jing a decade ago was curious, excitable, doe-eyed, an untouched dreamer and a huge tangle of emotions. Yun Jing now is aware, rooted and humbled. She sees people and things in layers now, not black and white. She knows when she is mean to herself but is still learning to be kinder. She struggles to define a version of her own worth unshaken by others' expectations but every day she draws a small line. She learns of a quiet, confident, assuring love. She doesn't feel like she has things figured out but she is sometimes in control. When she doesn't have control, she learns to be accepting of where things will lead her.
And here she is now.
A rather good place, filled with rather good people, with a rather good job, with a rather good mental health. 10 years came and went. What a decade! Here's to 30s!
Throwback to this post 10 years ago and in the same spirit...
30th!!!
