Hi you,
It's been awhile since I have time to really sit down and open up a new page. I spent the past hour just drawing a girl putting her head into an open chest and wondering how to make sense of it but I realise maybe it's clearer if I just typed thoughts down here. Introspection in short paragraphs here goes.
This morning I woke up feeling really happy it was a Saturday. The first Saturday in a really long time when I don't have plans. I woke up without an alarm and decided I just want to spend today checking out this HK jewellery brand which was in town for the week. Brought mum out for lunch and coffee and did a wee bit shopping. Work's so incredibly busy. Everyday I come home late and most nights mum's already asleep so I'm glad I spent time with her today. I see how she worries about me coming home late every night. How when she cracks light-hearted jokes with me, she is trying to make me smile. We were talking about my sister (who's currently in Venice for 2 months) when out of nowhere the sweet she had in her mouth flew out and landed nicely right on my foot. We had such a laugh together, and got a couple weird stares. We talked about boys over lunch. My mum and I chatting about boys! I don't ever share this side of my life with her but I feel comforted hearing some of her words. I like times like these, when we aren't self-obsessively caught up in our own busy-ness enough to laugh at littlest things. Being busy robs you of so much.
I spoke to K a couple months back and she told me she goes on airplane mode once out of work and I wish I could do the same without feeling guilty. I wish people respect that I don't work 24/7 for 7 days because I'm not paid for it. I wish our worth and capabilities aren't measured by a need to be readily available for work stuff during non-working hours. I struggle between seeing work as work and as something to fulfil my soul. My colleague told me I've got to learn to pick my own battles. Seek fulfilment elsewhere and let work be work but I can't. I want fulfilment in all that I do, is that asking for too much? I don't know if it's possible.
Our kitchen sink clogged up so Dad stuck his hand down the choked pipe and tried to clear it. I want to stick a hand down my brain and clear whatever is clogging it. Can there be a more literal brain unclogging/cleaning detergent other than the meditation thing people preach.
Most of my close friends, including my sister, are overseas pursuing their own things in life and I'm feeling so incredibly proud. They all deserve the best opportunities and I can't wait for all that awaits them. But I also cannot wait for the free accommodations they can offer me in those various countries HAHAHA. I really want to travel again some time soon.
It's 2am. I'll stop here. I'll return another day if there are more things to think about. Ending with a couple film shots I took over the months. Happy weekends.
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